She's still not even yet begun to hint at the worst aspects of things. This is just what she can't plausibly find a way to avoid talking about - she'd love it if she could pretend to be normal in front of him, but the reality is that he's too smart not to see the many ways in which she isn't and she's not even sure what normal is. Some degree of honesty is forced by circumstances. The picture that honesty paints is not one she'd want to give to anyone, or one she'd have picked for herself, but as should be evident from the name change and the mind control, she never had a choice. None of them did. That's why Li isn't upset about being here - fighting isn't new to her, and at least here she can speak without fear of someone overhearing her say the wrong thing and reporting it back to her handlers or superiors. At least here she can pick who she's fighting.
Anyone attempting to kill herself or her handler gets shifted out of 'civilian' territory into 'acceptable target'. Beyond that, though, there are hard limits on who she gets to fight. Even thinking about fighting her handler would give her severe nausea, let alone trying to act on that thought. Now that her mind has established him as at least a part-time handler, she can't fight him. That could probably go badly if he were infected, but she trusts him to keep that from happening. He knows how to handle himself and he's smart. They'll get through this.
She's trying so hard to be a person that it's probably coming out incomprehensibly convoluted and ridiculous, this life she's lived, this world she comes from. But above and beyond all other things, she doesn't want to be evil. The desire to not be an active threat has her delivering more truths than is probably wise. Tactically this feels unsound. Emotionally, though, he just doesn't seem like someone who'd take what she said and use it against her. Her heart soars at his words. To still be who she originally was, to still be a person and not a Creature, is all she's ever wanted. "I hope you're right."
The smile on her face slips away at the question. That's complicated, too, it seems. "You can call me that if it's just us. If there's any chance someone from home could be here, you can't. You don't want to know what they'd do if they knew I remembered, assuming they didn't order me to self-terminate on the spot." That thought set aside, though, she takes a deep breath, straightens her sleeves, rolls her shoulders to force the stiffness out of them, and nods. "Let's go get to work. I've got your back."
no subject
Anyone attempting to kill herself or her handler gets shifted out of 'civilian' territory into 'acceptable target'. Beyond that, though, there are hard limits on who she gets to fight. Even thinking about fighting her handler would give her severe nausea, let alone trying to act on that thought. Now that her mind has established him as at least a part-time handler, she can't fight him. That could probably go badly if he were infected, but she trusts him to keep that from happening. He knows how to handle himself and he's smart. They'll get through this.
She's trying so hard to be a person that it's probably coming out incomprehensibly convoluted and ridiculous, this life she's lived, this world she comes from. But above and beyond all other things, she doesn't want to be evil. The desire to not be an active threat has her delivering more truths than is probably wise. Tactically this feels unsound. Emotionally, though, he just doesn't seem like someone who'd take what she said and use it against her. Her heart soars at his words. To still be who she originally was, to still be a person and not a Creature, is all she's ever wanted. "I hope you're right."
The smile on her face slips away at the question. That's complicated, too, it seems. "You can call me that if it's just us. If there's any chance someone from home could be here, you can't. You don't want to know what they'd do if they knew I remembered, assuming they didn't order me to self-terminate on the spot." That thought set aside, though, she takes a deep breath, straightens her sleeves, rolls her shoulders to force the stiffness out of them, and nods. "Let's go get to work. I've got your back."